On a more positive note, I did not drink yesterday and I did work out....Vader (from this point on said man will be referred to as this) and I went to dinner at which I ate very well and I only drank water. I did not contact any of my friends but this is ok as they didn't contact me either and I did no work which is acceptable because it was a Saturday.
All in all, out of 5 goals I'd set for myself, day 1 was a success on 4 counts.
So let's talk about Vader.
We met at a lounge at the beginning of summer and after a night of drinking he carried me home on his back. This was the beginning of what we both safely assumed was going to be a summer fling. We had great sex for many months and began to regard each other as friends. Somewhere in September, I felt things begin to turn. Both of us had begun to care too much for each other for this to be termed a fling any longer. Since then it's been a roller coaster of sorts trying to decide where we should take this "thing" we have going on. True to stereotype, I am leaning more toward commitment, he is satisfied with our current status.
My decision to stop sleeping with him for this Break Up had largely to do with the feeling that I'm not getting any younger and if he hasn't committed yet, he probably won't. He fully understood this and respected my decision....kind of.
On New Year's Eve, I drank because it was my last night to do so and then we both ended up in the same place. This resulted in us drunkenly careening through the streets to find a cab and then being kicked out of the cab we did get. I threatened to call the cab company on the driver because he wanted to overcharge us. I should have kept my mouth shut because our trip home would have been much more comfortable. When we finally reached my house we started talking about the fact that we weren't supposed to be having sex any longer. Vader expressed some very strong feelings(alcohol loosens the tongue) of frustration with me for this decision and with himself for not being able to commit. We ended up falling asleep. He kept all of his clothes on to avoid any temptation. In the morning, we had soberly recapped some of his statements from the previous night and ended up having sex, really great sex.
We decided that we would do something later that night and then NOT have sex. We were hoping this would be the beginning of a new, different relationship that might make some sense. Dinner was awesome, the movie was good (True Grit) and when we got back to my house we managed to pass out without intercourse. Once again, he was fully clothed. This morning he popped up at 8 am and would not lay back down....morning wood??? We began kissing and one thing led to another.....
I feel like he's trying....I feel like we both are or maybe we're not because we simply don't want to. Do I just go with the flow or do I fight harder to keep this resolution of sorts?
Here's to the hope that I can figure this one out in the New Year.
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